My Thoughts
by Bane of Existence
Summary: This is what this was originally meant to look like. It was originally a poem. Naruto's thoughts when he's alone I don't own Naruto. These were my personal thoughts. No, I'm not emo.


My thoughts

I sit here thinking about everything

Training, friends, food, life

The funny thing is I just can't seem to think one thing at once

Everything just seems to whirl around in my head It's as if there's a crowd in my head

Screaming at the top of their lungs

As if there's a war going on up there

Guns blasting and cannons firing

The one thought that really stands out is life I start thinking about life

And at times I get depressed

Because so many things go on

And there's nothing I can do about it

Nothing but watch

Nothing but stand useless on the sidelines

Just watching

Watching all those I care for suffer

And not being able to comfort them

Not being able to reach out and embrace them

Useless

Completely useless

That's how I feel at times

Because in all honesty I am useless

I'm a good for nothing, lazy ass bastard

When I first realized this

It killed me

When people would remind me of my flaws

It killed me

But that was the past

Nowadays it doesn't affect me at all

Because I've learned to accept myself for who I am

I've come to realize that my flaws make me who I am

And changing myself would be completely useless

At least changing for others would be

I love who I am

Flaws and all

And I don't care if other people don't

Because all I need to survive is me

There is no need to depend on others for anything

Sure companionship never hurt

But I really don't need it

Because I've come to terms with life

I don't care if people like me

Or what they think of me

At least not anymore

Because I remember that, a long time ago,  
What people said really mattered to me

That anytime people insulted me

I would break down and cry

And it hurt like hell when those insults came from those I cared about

It tore me up inside to hear all the things they thought of me

Every time they insulted me

Something delicate inside me would break

And after some time

I discovered that delicate thing was the trust I had in them

Slowly, ever so slowly, I learned that trust was something humans took for granted

That it was human to take someone's trust and shatter it into a million pieces

And then expect that person to forgive and forget

Impossible

Humans may be able to forgive but never forget

It's not human to forget things that cause us pain

Perhaps just put it aside

But no matter what it's always there

In the back of one's mind

Resurfacing from time to time

Reopening wounds once thought healed

Causing pain once again

And no matter how many times one tries

The pain just won't go away

It refuses to end the torture

That's why I trust no one

No one but myself

Because you can only be betrayed by those you trust

Therefore to avoid that kind of pain I don't I don't trust anyone

Nothing human that is

Because, unlike humans, animals are loyal to the end

I can and always will trust my animal companions with everything

They and only they know my secrets

Only they know the true me

Because no human knows the true me

The me they know is but a mask

A façade

A façade I designed to hide me

The true me

The me that hates

Hates everything

Everything that is human

Including myself

Because, to my great dislike, I am human

I make mistakes

I lie

I break trust

I cause pain

But unlike most humans I don't expect to be forgiven

Because I don't need to be forgiven

Only those who feel guilt need to be forgiven

I don't feel guilt

Guilt is weakness

I am not weak

Emotions are weakness

I have no emotions

At least the real me doesn't

Emotions are only a part of my façade

The real me would be willing to kill

The real me would kill without hesitation

Because only the weak hesitate

Only the weak experience emotion

Only the weak act without thinking

Only the weak break trust and expect forgiveness

Humans are weak

I may be human but I am not weak

I don't experience true emotion

I don't act without thinking

I don't expect forgiveness

Because I am not weak

Demons

Demons are strong

They don't experience true emotion

They don't act without thinking

They don't expect forgiveness

They are not weak

I am like a demon

Because I refuse to be like the human I am

Because I despise humanity

Because they are weak

Because they experience emotion

Because they act without thinking

Because they expect forgiveness

And I don't

I expect nothing from life

Because I know that life will never give to me

Because if I want it I have to take it

Whatever I want I have to take

Because it won't be given to me

And if I don't earn it I don't want it

And if I don't want it I destroy it

And I want nothing to do with humanity

So I will destroy anything human within me.


End file.
